Blink

Each blink requires a prayer - that the world before your eyes closed will be the same as the world when they open again. And there is no reason that this should be true! Of course we think that there is nothing that will change, that could possibly change, in the blink of an eye. But how much blind faith must we take with each blink that the world we perceive at that moment will choose itself to remain. That as a blink in a smile, a laugh, an embrace, you will not disappear. That in reading an acceptance letter, or seeing the acceptance of your friends, of your family, of your lover, the word "no" will not slip itself before your hopes and dreams. The safe world you see is not safe, the unconditional love before you is not unconditional, and the life you see yourself living is not a life lived. In a blink, you may be killed and your friends may abandon you so I pray. I pray that you keep your eyes open, for this life is too short close your eyes, even for a blink.

Hate

Like most other common sense things in this life, it has taken me way too long to figure this thing out. This thing called hate. To the three of you still on Blogspot, and hopefully zero of which still read my postings, I thought it was about time I tried to explain my hate. For the first time in my life I hated another human being. The hate festered inside of me as a painful sore. I could not for the life of me think of any reason to hate him that was not hypocritical in one way or another. I give up. But in this surrender I have found the answer. There is no human hatred without inherent hypocrisy. To look at another man in the eyes: a man that, for all intents and purposes, looks like you, breaths like you, thinks like you, and to hate him? Hatred of another is no more than a reflection of unhappiness with the self. Not to be metaphysical about it or anything but hatred brings more unhappiness to the hater than to the victim of hatred. No truly happy person has a need to hate and no one who hates can be truly happy. Humans are evolutionarily social, symbiotic creatures. Any relationship short of this is no more than a defect. To anyone and everyone who is reading this, I hope you can shed your hate. Whether you hate a race, a religious group, or just that one, goddamn person, I promise it is just not worth it. No one is worth the harm that your hatred will cause to yourself. No one is worth obsession, and no one is worth burning a scar into the fabric of your past. And if You are reading this, I am sorry. Not because of how our friendship ended, but because I manifested my dissatisfaction, with school, with my life, with my self, by hating you. You didn't deserve it then and you don't now. If you want to talk, so do I. If you don't want to talk, well, I still do. Know at least, in the darkest and most thoroughly ignored of your brain, that I admit it. You Were Right. But in the much more likely case that this falls on deaf, or otherwise nonexistent ears, I hope that simply writing this has helped me. Because right now, even separated by a continent, by months of silence, my hatred consumes me. No, my hatred owns me. It's just not worth it.